Public Skate: BEYOND THUNDERDOME

          Warning: Old Man whingeing ahead*.
          This weeks blog post is brought to you by Nostalgia**. So, because I have a certain predilection for nontraditional forms if recreation(and because I wanted to break in my new skates), I found myself at the  Public Skate at the local ice rink. I was expecting a nice trip down memory lane from my high school skating days and a relearning of some long forgotten skating skill.
          What I got was a two hour lesson on improper skate rink management, child rearing, and just a little prehistoric zoology.
          Close your eyes and imagine, if you will, the last time you were at a skating rink in any capacity: I imagine that the traffic of the rink traveled in a reasonably uniform direction, guided by skaters clearly marked in 'STAFF' jerseys. They do their assigned duties, whistling at the skaters going too fast or against the flow, and assisting any skaters who had yet to find equilibrium and generally promoting a safe and enjoyable experience for all participants.
          Here's the reality***: It says 'Public Skate', but what it should really add is a subtitle: 'BEYOND THUNDERDOME'****. Traffic does generally go in one direction, or at least there is usually no one going in direct opposition to the largest circle of skaters on the edge. Beyond that is anyone's game. Packs of hockey kids weave between skaters, coming out of nowhere and practicing hockey stops in just the right place to cause a loss of balance, then disappearing. But these are not the deadliest predator on the ice. This is the toddlers. Armed with a wall of plastic at their front and a noted inability to stop or maintain linear velocity, they can be compared to the Velociraptor; Like the fictional version,  they strike; Suddenly and without warning,  bearing down upon you with childlike glee*****. And like their non fictional counterparts******, they are small and can disappear as soon as they have done their terrible work.
          Aside from the direct threats, there is the general lack of management and direction. Every staff member I saw was A: not on the ice, and B: did not look disposed to go out there unless a type of raid siren required then to be.
          Now, the first thought I had, and the initial response I would guess that would come back to this post is 'Well it's a public skate. Why don't you just come to the Adult Skate, where there aren't any kids to get in the way?'. And the answer loops back to that bad management I talked about. I attended the 'Adult Skate' once while I was unemployed and I enjoyed it greatly. But I immediately noticed that the other attendees were either in their 70's, or did not work standard hours. When I called to inquired about Adult Skate hours, it became clear that the title was misleading. The Adult skate is scheduled only inside the hours when 90% of adults are at work and cannot go skating, unless they are retired.******* And that does cheese me off a bit. But I'll go back next Saturday and try not to fall as much. Rant over.

-Will

Editors Notes:
*He's one if the few people I know who would use an anti aging machine in reverse if it existed
**TM. Not to be construed as actual joy.
***Not to be construed as actual reality. More of an opinionated rant
****Roll Credits
*****GET OUT WILL. NO PUNS. WE HAD A TALK ABOUT THIS.
******Velociraptors were about 2 feet tall but had an AWESOME sounding name.
*******You cannot take early retirement just because you want to skate without children present.