- I got a job offer and am currently waiting to start
- I got a wisdom tooth pulled
- Democracy got just a little more fucked**.
The tooth pulling is kinda cool in retrospect, and for those interested in very mildly grotesque stuff, here is a picture of the tooth in question:
I had the tooth pulled in part because it had a cavity, and apparently the root was twisted in such a way as to be on the cusp of becoming an eldritch horror in my mouth which could cause boundless harm. Those are my dentist's words. But mostly because it was impure by virtue of the cavity, and the rest of my teeth constantly shunned its slovenly and consumptive behavior***. It just had to go. I retained its lifeless husk as a reminder to the others that the behavior will not be tolerated.
The experience was a source of significant amusement for me not just in the macabre body horror of the experience, but also in the social interactions that happened throughout the process. I have become aware through several recent appointments with my dentist that I am far from the average patient in terms of by behavior, both socially and physiologically. The dentist and associated staff, by virtue of how their necessary work is perceived by our culture at large, have to treat their patients more patronizingly than even other similar medical professions. This is part of the reason that I both didn't fault them for treating me like I was an imminent panic and flight risk, and in fact found myself assuaging their fears by assuring them that if I had no feeling, or feeling reduced to only minor pains, that they could go to fucking town on my jaw and I would just lay there thinking about soup. This is also the point in my life that I was made to understand that nitrous oxide serves no other purpose that to calm people who have dentist induced panic. Since I apparently don't suffer from that particular brand of anxiety*****, I opted to just have a local anesthetic.
This too was a wild ride in terms of exploring what happens when you have only half of the standard output that the brain traditionally understands as pain. I had all the pressure of the tooth being removed, but none of the actual nerve input. My brain was distinctly aware of the pressure, which according to both memory and physiological instinct should be accompanied by a equivalent measure of pain. It just never happened. Since my brain had no real way to categorize the pressure alone, it simply predicted that the relevant pain was forthcoming, so I kept feeling like I was about to be in extreme pain; on the cusp of it, so to speak. The best way I can describe it is to be the polar opposite of edging an orgasm. At least in this case, not cresting that particular wave was a good thing.
-Will
Editors Notes:
*You should all be thanking me for this. He brought me 4 different drafts, one of which was 4 pages long, but only contained 4 grammatical sentences. It had 23 semicolons, 30 commas, and at least 20 separate sections in italics. As a person, Will serves as a significant reason I cant enjoy my vacations out of dread for what I'm returning to.
**This was the Kavanaugh confirmation. Will went to a rally to show solidarity with SA victims and I got roaring drunk and ripped apart a mannequin that was wearing a judges robe and beer helmet. We each do our own thing.
*** FOOD GOT STUCK IN YOUR TOOTH HOLE. Put down the thesaurus and stop anthropomorphizing everything.
****Will and I are opposites in this category. I bring a legal release to every dentist appointment advising them that they are to give me "80% of a lethal dose" of nitrous oxide, otherwise I am a property damage liability.
That's a pretty massive cavity, man. You could store a kernel of corn in there.
ReplyDeleteI'm suspicious that a popcorn kernel may have been the culprit for that particular cavity. Luckily the rest of my teeth were cavity free.
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